Wednesday, May 30, 2007

cut from the novel, redux

6 more chapters done. I’ve cut 150 pp (total). Which is good. My shoulders hurt. Apparently my brain can only produce short sentences.
Here's something I cut. But I might put it back elsewhere:

What they would say
The air is thicker than water isn’t that a saying? Air is thicker than water and that’s how we know something. That’s how we do something. When we had hands. The air falls down the steps like water smelling of breath and words. We wanted to leave but the air is always too thick, we wanted to. Now we go from one room to the next with never a way to settle down and do anything. If we stand at the open spaces, the boxes of light, what’s the name of those, you can see that the air is thinner out there. We used to go out there. If someone would call. If someone would put out a hand. The light from that place out there is bright and sometimes a movement sweeps through it. What was that called? It moves the trees, yes the trees. Did we love the trees? did we cut them down? If someone would call. If we had a name.


Blogger Gina Ventre said...

great paragraph!!!!

5/31/2007 9:43 AM  
Blogger Annie Wicking and Loman Austen said...

how long have you been working on your novel?

It sound really great. Is it your first?


6/02/2007 9:22 AM  
Blogger nova said...

There is something so satisfying about cutting... Though it takes me a long time to get to that daring place. I get so attached to my sentences, even when I know I'm just being selfish, that it can take me months to face up to the fact that I am only weakening my story and must cut them.

150 pages! I'm jealous.

6/03/2007 1:38 PM  
Blogger Kristin Ohlson said...

I love this little chunk-- all the way from over here.

Can't wait to read the whole thing. Hard to imagine its newer leaner self.

6/06/2007 11:19 PM  
Anonymous w said...

I hope you put away your cuts in a neat folder and find a way to use them later, or at least to reread for reminding yourself of a scene's atmosphere, if you're ever stumped, becasue this is just lovely.

6/23/2007 12:16 PM  
Blogger lucette said...

W--thanks--I can never bear to throw anything away!

6/24/2007 6:13 PM  

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